


Consequences

by Screaming_Pumpkin



Category: NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:08:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28639776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Screaming_Pumpkin/pseuds/Screaming_Pumpkin
Summary: Ten sees more and more comments about his sexuality which makes him very anxious, because he never came out to any of his members and is scared of rejection.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, it's my first ever post but i thought i would try it... anyway it's just a little something that i will write more (probably around 5k or more) if anyone likes it. English isn't my first language so if you see any mistakes, please tell me and i will correct it.  
> Also it's obviously fiction and im not assuming anything and especially anyone's sexuality. Its just for fun but if anyone is offended then im sorry.

It was getting a little out of hand. The tweets, the comments and everything else. It wasn't really anything bad per say, it was just scary in the grand scheme of things.  
His career choice wasn't in the most open minded environment and he loved it so much that this escalating rumours could put it in jeopardy and he didn't know how he would deal with it. He wasn't ashamed of himself, never was and he never will be. He knew from the start that moving to Korea to chase his dreams would mean changes, like learning a new language, being all alone or going back into the metaphorical closet. He accepted it even if it was hard at first, but he never gave up and he knew how to put his mind to a goal and achieve it with hard work, sweat and even blood. Going back into the closet meant biting his tongue when the need to yell that he would want to climb one of his fellow trainees like a very handsome and muscular tree arose. He didn't want to out himself so quickly and thoughtlessly and also he really didn't want to lose the new friends who he met through SM Rookies. But then time passed and he started to loosen up the straight as a ruler character, he let some of the jokes leave his mouth and let himself look at some of the guys a little longer that was necessarily friendly. The first time he called Taeyong-hyung pretty to his face he felt like he was about to lose everything but the older man just laughed and got all red in the face. And his world didn't collapse, the management didn't call him up, no one said to pack his homosexual ass back to Thailand and Taeyong didn't hate him after that. So he loosened up…  
He made comments and innuendos and cringed at the overly sexual performances during Hit the Stage, and the fans noticed, of course they did, he really was not impressed. They also noticed his lovesick looks at his Johnny-hyung. His sweet, handsome and kind best friend whom he had quite a crush on for literal years and whose laugh would make him practically melt on the spot. They noticed his love for Troye Sivan, which didn't really prove he was into men but it definitely didn't scream straight. And of course he said every kind word he could have thought of when one of the fans asked him to say something to the LGBTQ+ fans. And when they noticed, then they started to compile everything into text threads on twitter or youtube compilations and that made him scared. Because all jokes aside he never came out to his members, to his literal adopted family at this point, he even went so far as to laugh it off with "Nah, you know how the fans are" when Doyoung once asked him. He knows they love him, but what if they wouldn't deal with that kind of information well?  
All in all if he lost his career he would be devastated but he would get back up again but it would ruin him completely if those people would turn their back on him over something that he can't change, like his sexuality for example.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to write mostly for myself and for my own enjoyment and if anyone else will enjoy this mess then thats great!

He was always aware of those comments, it was somewhere in the back of his mind and sometimes he regretted getting rid of his straight filter that would have stopped him from writing down practically a sex offer, especially when he knew it was gonna be filmed. What could he do now, years later about it though? Nothing.  
Now, years into his career he was laying in his bed with Leon sprawled on his lap purring from the occasional pets, clutching his phone in the other hand and scrolling through his latest instagram comments.  
He didn’t know why it hit him full force just now. It wasn’t a hate comment, it wasn’t really even an unusual one.

_”When he comes out we just gotta act surprised”_

He felt his throat sizing up, and suddenly he couldn’t breath. He gasped silently, curling his knees up to his chest and making Leon jump down with a disgruntled hiss. He normally would feel sorry for his baby but right now the only thing on his mind was to get some oxygen in his lungs. He didn’t notice the tears that started to fall down his cheeks. His skin felt too tight for him. He was panicking and he was alone in the room, with Hendery having a recording session for “Work It”. That was a blessing and a curse, because he didn’t want any of his younger brothers to see him like that, but also he didn’t know if he could get himself under control without help this time. He could call Kun or Winwinnie, who were watching some drama in the living room but he couldn’t take a full breath, let alone yell loud enough to be heard over the TV that was playing in the living room. He felt as if his heart was about to explode and the cold chills running down his spine were making him feel like he was dying.  
It wasn’t the first time he got a panic attack, but it was a long time since he got the last one. He tried counting to ten in his head, but he lost his count after six. He got disoriented, he heard himself letting out a sob followed by a cough, and finally he felt himself gasp some much needed air. He felt as if he was drowning.  
Suddenly he sensed hands on his shoulders that made him tense up even more than he already was, but the repetitive gentle voice that was accompanying them started to pierce through the fog that his consciousness was surrounded by, that made him slowly relax.

“Ten? Ten, please, breathe with me. It’s okay, you are safe, follow my breathing. In… Out…”, he slowly tried to mimic it, gasping still halfway through the count. It took about 15 minutes of constant reassurances and soft cerasses on his arm to get his breath under control and calm down, and he felt exhausted. He opened his eyes, that he didn’t even know when he closed, to see concerned looking Kun kneeling beside his bed.  
“Feeling back to normal?”, Kun didn’t take his hand from his shoulder so he took his hand in his before nodding.  
“I think so?”, he sounded as if he was screaming for the past hour, and winced hearing it. “Why... How... How did you know to come here?”

“Leon was scratching the door so I went to let him out, thought you fell asleep, but I found you like that... You scared the shit out of me, I thought you were choking or something, thank God you are better now.”  
Kun squeezed his hand, as if to reassure himself or both of them that Ten was alive and mostly ok.

“Thank you, I really don’t wanna talk about it, so don’t even ask”

“If you say so I won't, but you know you can talk with me, or with any of us really about anything, right?”, Kun looked so sincere in that moment, so he smiled. But could he really? Without any judgment, say what was on his mind lately? That made him panic just now? He didn’t know.

“Of course you would say that Kun-ma, always taking care of us”, he said with his signature teasing tone and a smirk that would guarantee him that the topic would be dropped by the now annoyed leader.

As expected, Kun scowled at him and dropped his hand that they were holding, standing up.

“You are definitely okay now, that you are back to being your usual pain in my ass. But seriously I meant it”

“Yeah, yeah. You really are the best Kun-ma.”, he was only half joking and he hoped that Kun knew that he meant it.

Ten felt as if something shifted. He was no longer just aware of those comments, he was _affected_. And with that change, came the realization that his members also read sometimes those comments and that led him to the conclusion that they also could start to assume that he was into men. All in all, he was scared that they will hate him for it, but at least he owes them the truth. He can't live in this fucking lie any longer, especially now that all this secrets are making him panic and it is gonna affect his efficiency at work and he can't do that to his members. He can't lack behind and make them look bad. He needed a plan to just come clean to all of them and pray for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it, obviously it is a work of fiction that isn't meant to offened anyone or assume anyones sexuality. If you have any thoghts for me to improve on this work then feel free to comment it. Thank you for reading

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it, as i said, if anyone is intrested, for me to expand on that i will.


End file.
